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Dating For Introverts - Paging Dr. NerdLove

Date: 2018-04-27 07:53

Hi, thank you for your post it was a great read. I have a situation here, I 8767 ve been talking to this guy who goes to college with me. We had know each other through mutual friends and hanged out a couple times in groups. At the end of last semester (April) he sort of told one of my best friends that he was attacted to me but it wasn 8767 t a big deal to me. Plus, he was going far away as a missionary for a year and said he couldn 8767 t have a girlfriend now. He went back home to Florida and I stayed working at our college in Tennessee. At the beginning of the summer (May) he started liking my old Instagram pictures and he added me on Snapchat. A day later he snapchatted me, after that he would snap me every day and we would talk all day long through snaps. He seemed very interested and was always the first to start conversations everyday,literally. We continued doing so but he said he was deleting his snap and asked me to add him on Whatsapp to keep in contact. Even at this point I didn 8767 t think our everyday talking would continue much longer because let 8767 s be honest, who does that for more than a week? And we had been doing it for 8 months now. Now is August, and I 8767 m in Mexico for a month and we keep talking everyday throughout the day, he 8767 s still calling me beautiful, hot,cute, etc. But not as much as he did we we used Snapchat. But that 8767 s okay, we talk about more about our everyday lives and random things. He is now on the other side of the world, and the time difference is huge so it 8767 s harder to keep conversations flowing. There were a couple times when we didn 8767 t talk for 7 days and the longest we have been without contacting each other is 9 days but he had a good excuse. Now in September I went to Europe to study a semester there. We are still talking but our conversations are not as flirty but we still call each other hot, cute, etc. Everything seems to go rather well, it 8767 s November now and I 8767 m wondering if this everyday texting could do more harm than good on the long-run so I suggested videocall. He wasn 8767 t super excited but he didn 8767 t seem to be bothered by it. We talked and the convesation went totally fine but (and maybe I 8767 m wrong here) I was expecting him to visit during Christmas since he 8767 ll be in Europe for a couple weeks. However, I 8767 ll be leaving a couple days before he gets here. He hasn 8767 t mentioned anything about seeing each other. I can understand if we cannot see each other then but then he also goes on mentioning that he might consider studying in Europe for a semester (again since he had already done it before at the same *censored* I 8767 m currently at) after the year as a missionary which ends in August of the next year. Which would mean that technically the only time that I will for sure see him (unless we arranged something before) it 8767 s in almost 7 years.

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Ok, I had an affair. Why? I don’t know. I don’t remember the whole thing but I do remember my head was screwed up. Depression, mood swings, crying for no reason. My affair lasted two years. Mostly texting but we did meet three times for sex. I didn’t really know the guy, ex coworker that popped up on fb years later and started flirting with me. Wow did I feel sexy and wanted. I felt safe behind my phone. He was living 9555 miles away so I figured I was safe. Then one day he showed up. After months of sexting and talking about sex there he was. I felt trapped. I felt like I couldn’t say no. That’s how the physical part started. So we had sex twice while he was there. He turned out to be a total self centered flop. Sex was awful. He was very small downstairs, didn’t know what forplay was, was in a hurry and had bad ED issues. Both times I left feeling used. I felt like he treated me like a whore. He was not the charming person his text led me to believe. Texting continued for months. He demanded nude photos weekly. I did a video chat with him so he could masterbate. Made me feel humiliated. He showed up one more time. I went over to end it but he was drunk and I was scared. Sex happened and again it was awful. Took 75 minutes for the pain to go away. I felt guilty. The texting that had made me feel happy was gone. He turned very controlling. Holidays and or if I posted something on fb about how much I loved my husband he would pop up. Demanding pictures. Making me feel like a whore. I just didn’t know how to end it. I hoped he would just lose interest. Then I got caught. I devistated my husband. He read the text messages, saw the pictures. It’s hard to watch a loved ones heart break in front of your eyes. It’s been three years now. Our sex life was always great and is still. But he is still hung up on the affair sex. I can’t tell him it sucked. He will say “that isn’t what your text messages said”. And he’s right. My AP always demanded I tell him how good he was in bed. That’s how he started every text conversation. I just couldn’t tell him he sucked in bed. I don’t know why. I did after the affair was exposed. I wrote him a goodbye letter. Told him how bad him and his tiny limp dick sucked in bed. Thanked him for sharing my pictures with old coworkers ect. Anyway, that’s the problem now. My husband thinks we had great kinky sex cause EVERYBODY on the internet says affair sex is mind after telling him the truth for three years I just quit. I will never convince him. He believes the internet more than me. He still has mind movies. Breakdowns at times. I’m doing everything I can to fix this marriage. Been in M/C for years. Don’t have an affair. It may start off good but it destroys a lifetime. It will affect your *censored*ren. When you start your affair you don’t think of these things. You mind blocks them out. If I could only turn back time. For you husband out there, if your wife says her affair sex wasn’t that may be a good chance it wasn’t.

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Hello, I read ur full story. I think you are the opposite of me although we share sth in common, I am also an observant girl when I am dating online, which is what I am doing now. However, I would do the opposite if I found out the guy I am with is doing all these dating app things behind me. In fact I think your boyfriend is not only a selfish dude but also an immature grown-up, he is throwing away things he keeps claiming to be his favorite and eternity, uf he s a grown-up and he knows he needs you to be around, he should just make up his mind and do what 8767 s the best for both of you, but he doesn 8767 t. if I were you I 8767 d have dumped him already no matter how much I still love him, and I believe many of your friends who truly care about u have told you that already. I understand you don 8767 t need anyone to tell you to leave a guy like him although he 8767 s obviously taking you for granted, but I think there is a way you can help yourself, that is try to 8775 concentrate on yourself 8776 instead of making yourself look like a miserable wife who 8767 s always waiting for his return, have you thought of this, besides his ego boost and maybe sexual need which motivate him to go online to talk to other girls, you 8767 re also one of the reason why he keeps doing it? Cause he knows you will forgive him and wait for his return, each time you argue with him he only sees it as a time to brake for a while, and then after he has 8775 settled 8776 you down he would go on to do more of what he really wants to. You have made him feel like you will never leave, and he can always get you back as long as he stops it for a while. What I mean is, dress up and make up urself everyday, keep yourself in the best condition, and go out to meet friends and new guys, and let him see these changes! I donno if you have thought about this? I don 8767 t think he fell in love with you becuz of the way you act when you get jealous, if you rewind back your memory, I bet he was attracted to you becuz you were a pretty confident girl when he just met you. If you want to make him become obsess with you, you should just go back to the one you were before, the one who attracted this guy to fall in love with you. I am not telling you to cheat on him, and I think you can 8767 t cuz you sound like a loyal gf and I think no one can easily change your mind, only you could change your own mind and make changes to your life. If you have ever heard of law of attraction, it says the same thing, if you want to get someone back, you shall stop thinking of this person all the time but think of what you can do to make yourself happier (this is the hardest, you can 8767 t just do it as if u r really doing it , but still think of him 79/7, you have to do it as if you are really into loving yourself more and more), trust me people are attracted to people who love themselves deeply, and you proved it already by how much you love a self-centered man, so just copy his way and love yourself more, meet more people, by the time when he realizes you can live well without having his attention, that is the time he realizes how much you are worth and comes back to you.

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I had a teacher at law *censored* who became interested in me from the first time on. We started talking after his first lecture and this went on after every lecture. We were talking for hours, forgetting about time and usually it was about getting to know me better. Sometimes he showed more signs of interest, like on a *censored* pub quiz looking at me in a way that I noticed he liked me. He was even joking with me in the class but he didn 8767 t do that with the other students. We didn 8767 t dare to engage into anything serious while he was teaching me as I was afraid of becoming a victim of favouritism and I guess he could have lost his job. On my graduation party he started flirting with me so vehemently, that both my best friend and other lecturers notices as well, and he couldn 8767 t stop complimenting. I invited him for my graduation party, but he wanted to see me earlier, even though I wanted him to wait a bit. On my graduation party the flirting and complimenting went on, which ended up in him coming home with me and two friends who stayed at my place for my graduation. Nothing happened and after a *censored* conversation he went home, but we agreed on a date and hit it off straight from that time on. He seemed to be a bit shy though as he had a lot of disappointment previously and hasn 8767 t been with anyone for years. I tried to boost his self-confidence, especially because he had performance anxiety when it came to sex. It seemed though, that he was very much into me. After three dates he became insecure and on our fourth date he wanted to break up saying that he 8767 s not ready for a commitment. Within half an hour we started kissing and showed major PDA and he said it 8767 s hard for him to break up with me when I 8767 m so beautiful. After that we went to my place and had sex and I thought his insecurity was just a temporary glitch. However, after that he became distant and didn 8767 t want to come for my birthday party with my friends but took me out on a private date. He prioritised family and friends to me, however he still wanted to see me and he still acted nicely and said that I 8767 m his *censored* beautiful baby and his pretty *censored* thing. However, he never said he liked or loved me. I told him that I liked him very much and he only said 8775 I know 8776 . In the meantime I got into housing problems and as a practising barrister he offered me help free of charge as I was his girlfriend. He drafted a very harsh letter and I thought that if he wouldn 8767 t like me, why was he doing this for me? Unfortunately, two weeks before our break up he admitted that he took a girl out for dinner, whom he has known for years and that everybody says they should be together, but he never had the intention to that her and vice versa. After that he broke up with me, even though he said I was special and a kind, considerate and overall sweet person and a wonderful girlfriend and he told me that he will never forget me but he 8767 s not ready for a commitment and probably he 8767 ll always stay single. I felt sorry for him, because I thought it comes from his insecurities (he was never satisfied with himself or his looks) and tried to cheer him up and wanted to be friends. I bumped into him on the street a few weeks later and he told me to drop him a line once I feel better to meet and that he was sorry for hurting me as it was never his intention. But then when I called he didn 8767 t answer, just sent me a whatsapp text that actually we cannot meet as he started going out for a few drinks with that neighbour girl he told me about and that even though it 8767 s not serious he needs to clear with her if we want to meet

Ive been speaking to a guy for almost two months. It started very slowly since i was dating others when we met. Ive stopped dating other guys because frankly i dont feel comfortable and my memory is terrible at multi tasking and i get my facts confused between the guys!. I decided to really just pay attention to him because he is really cool and i get a really good vibe from him. So far we 8767 ve had 5 dates in 5 weeks. The thing is im use to a guy being vocal and not having to guess how interested he is. (im dating outside of my comfort zone and usual type). We have great dates which are fun and though he reveals personal information about himself (family, work..etc) he never asks anything personal about me. The modern smart girl assumed at first he may just want to keep things casual and Maybe just wants sex. We did actually sleep together on date 8 because the physical chemistry was so intense. We didnt hang out again till a week later and barely spoke up tp then. Naturally i was in full remorce mode. Then i figured well if this guy got what he wants and hes done well better i know that now and farewell. But no..he initiated date 9. we hung out at my place and finally some personal questions about my family background and he seemed really engaged into getting to know me better.. and no sex just talked and made out. Pfew *censored*. Two days later made dinner together yay it was fun and we snuggled.. (god i sound like a *censored* girl) And then silence all day after. No txt. Day after that just a random hello but didnt actually engage far into conversation i tried encouraging but his responses were distant between..
So i just cant read him! Just when i feel like were getting closer and on cloud 9 his distance makes me wonder if were on the same page. Tempted to tell myself 8775 he 8767 s into you..but not that into you 8776 . He doesnt strike me as a guy who wants to waste time. Hes 85 and closed his online dating profile cause he didnt find serious ppl there until he met me. I come from a *censored* of thought that if a guy is into a girl who is independent, successful, compatible physically, he 8767 ll make it happen to see her and keep in touch daily. My patience with his mixed signals is running thin. Im affraid ill come off too strong if i ask him how he feels and ill be rejected. How do i approach a guy who claims to not be a 8775 sentimental kind of guy 8776 ? Whats ur barometer reading of his behavior with me? I dont initiate txts very often but sometimes i do. I feel we keep a pretty even keel. Im affraid he 8767 ll get turned off like i do when men pressure me to define things. The shoes are on my feet now and i suck at this! I welcome all theories..

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